Spike Those Lemons That Life Delivered
The dog days of summer are upon us and the best way to beat the heat — while maintaining good standing in the Kiddush Club — is to combine an iconic summer drink with the KC’s potable mandate; time for electric lemonade!
Sure, the experts may claim that drinking alcohol in the heat leads to quicker dehydration but, since we’re not doctors, we feel funny passing that along. Instead, embrace the lovely citrus succor borne from lemons with the only thing we feel confident in endorsing … booze.
Enjoy the rest of summer; Old Man Winter sent us a postcard from the Southern Hemisphere saying he’s eager to throw some spectacular storms our way in short order. Brrr …
Summer breeze, makes you feel fine, inebriating gray matter in your mind. (Seals and Croft’s alternate lyrics.) This classic lemonade “spritzer” will bring you back toantebellum days of sitting on the veranda and watching the crops wave in the breeze. Scarlett, dear, you look flush, here, have a drink: 2 cups lemon-flavored seltzer or club soda (chilled); ½ cup citrus-flavored vodka (chilled); ½ cup fresh lemon juice; ¼ cup sugar; ¼ cup orange schnapps; crushed ice. (We will deny that the Kiddush Club ever used the word “spritzer.”)
It’s been rumored that Violet Beauregarde really turned purple after knocking back a few of these delightful refreshments. Touted for its antioxidant potency, blueberries are the perfect accompaniment to classic electric lemonade — also touted for its potency: 1 cup sugar; 1 cup fresh lemon juice; 6 cups water; ½ cup fresh blueberries; 2 cups citrus-flavored vodka. Throw everything into a pitcher and muddle the blueberries with a wooden spoon — then get muddled!
Perfect for elegant sipping during cocktail hour, or helping to clear up your urinary tract infection — or both — a Lemonade Crantini need not be served in a martini glass to be enjoyed. In fact, a martini glass will just cause you to feel guilty about pouring numerous drinks. Perhaps a Big Gulp cup from 7-Eleven would be more suitable: 1 (46 oz.) can pineapple juice (chilled); 1 (32 oz.) bottle cranberry juice (chilled); 1 (12 oz.) can of frozen lemonade concentrate (thawed); 3 cups of lemon-flavored rum; 1 (2-liter) bottle of ginger ale (chilled). In a punch bowl, mix the juices, lemonade concentrate and rum. Prior to serving, mix ginger ale and ice into the bowl (or pitcher). Place car keys in a safe place. Enjoy!
Lest you think we’re just gross, we’ve been told this drink really is something to try. The secret ingredient is a liqueur called Advocaat, which is phlegmy in its consistency, hence the name of the drink. Please notify us when you’re feeling daring enough to try it, we’ll swing by to see the reaction on your face: 1 oz. Tequila (gold); 1.5 oz. Advocaat (Bols brand is kosher and is certified by the London Beit Din [KLBD] but does not have a kashrut symbol on the bottle); 2 oz. grenadine; 1 cup lemonade. Mix tequila and grenadine together in a highball glass; add Advocaat (making sure it does not properly mix and remains, well, phlegmy); dilute with lemonade until you feel like not gagging.
Ah, Bourbon, nectar of life, we have patiently waited for your triumphant return to this column. This little drinkie, made with the delicious amber elixir from Kentucky, may not carry the punch of a bull, or the prophecy of the heifer, but it is oh-so tasty: 1.5 parts Red Stag by Jim Beam Bourbon; .5 parts DeKuyper Pomegranate Pucker (a sweet liqueur, akin to schnapps, that is certified kosher by the OU); 4 parts lemonade; lemon-lime or Club soda; and lemon slices for garnish. Build over ice in a tall highball glass. Put aside one shot of Bourbon for your troubles, drink, and enjoy the moment.