Praise the Lord, and Pass the Adderall

Newsroom

Newsroom

Grin and bear it until Doomsday, or next year’s New Year’s Eve.

If the Mayans have it right, we’ve just celebrated our last New Year’s Eve, we’ve watched our last College Bowl game and we’ve been slapped with our last face full of holiday mace on Black Friday.

The end of the world is coming this year, and it could be a good thing. It could put us out of our misery.

Why worry about the election? We’ll never make it to Inauguration Day. And no need to concern ourselves about the economy, the debt ceiling, the Arab Spring or the European Fall. Don’t fret about the mortgage payment past September, either. The bankers will still be finalizing the foreclosure documents when the end arrives.

But if the Mayans are wrong about the end of the world on Dec. 22, 2012, we need a plan to get us out of the funk of 2011 and chart a better course for the new year.

But first, we have to face some harsh realities.

Our world has gotten louder, more raw, and it needs a big dose of Adderall.

When computers, iPads and iPods become necessities, when Facebook friends replace real friends, we may be wired, but we’re still alone. That’s why it’s hard to make it through the day without some pharmaceutical help.

When 24-hour cable news cycles replace newspapers, it’s easy to overdose on hard news minus context. And this stretched-out election season can only make sense in a meth addict’s brain.

When entertainment seeped into politics during this year’s weekly Republican debates, what could have been a real learning experience turned into a reality series remembered in 30-second sound bites: the one where the audience cheered the death penalty; the one where Rick Perry forgot (Really? He forgot?) the third of three government departments he’d like to close; the one with Romney’s $10,000 bet. We’re forced to wait for the media to tell us what we saw because we expected a debate, but a verbal hockey fight broke out.

Bachmann, Perry, Cain – one by one, each candidate took a turn as the next bright, shiny object to make a run at Romney, but they exploded like a Fourth of July fireworks display. At press time, Gingrich’s vapor trail was still being seen in Iowa and New Hampshire.

At least, the political year ended on good news. Donald Trump canceled his plan to moderate a Republican debate in late December between Gingrich and Rick Santorum, whose claim to fame is Christian family values and how his name became “redefined” on Google.

So we can only wonder what kind of questions Trump would have asked:

International: “I hate China. Do you hate China?”
Financial: “How many planes do you have? I have three.”
Personal: “Is your wife as hot as my wife?”

I hope that the caucuses shake out the field early, and we learn if the Tea Party and the Occupy Movement are really as game changing as CNN, MSNBC and Fox News say they are.

If the loudmouth political atmosphere was the biggest story in a non-election year, and the aggressive nature of the Tea Party and Occupy Movement is just a microcosm of what modern-day life has become to strugglers and job creators alike, we need to slow things down and get a big bowl of mellow this year. Inhale. Exhale. Worry about the things you can actually change, and leave the rest alone.

So, goodbye 2011 and all the misery you contained, and hello 2012. I hope that January starts a new year filled with peace, prosperity — and I forgot the third one.
Pass the Adderall, please.

  • No comments