Old Man Winter — Time To Go

Rochel Burstyn

By Rochel Burstyn

Isn’t it crazy how spring officially started a month ago and we’re still getting winter storm warnings? Winter this year is like that annoying guest who has clearly overstayed his welcome and even as you’re physically pushing him out the door, he keeps turning back and re-entering with “just one more thing,” hanging out in the foyer, talking and talking while you’re just trying to hand him his coat, smiling through gritted teeth and hoping you’re not appearing like an ungracious host. Because seriously, can’t he just go already?!

It’s well into April and while spring did make a brief appearance for a few days, Old Man Winter’s still here, hanging out, feet up on the coffee table, still too comfortable.

And it’s not like he doesn’t have anywhere else to go either. If he doesn’t watch it, he might be late for the next stop on his calendar. Those in the southern hemisphere are eagerly awaiting his arrival in a few short weeks. And why wouldn’t they be? Winter Down Under is nothing like the bone-numbing freeze we get over here.

Once, on a trip to visit my family in Australia, I was looking for some fun touristy things to do with my kids and stopped in at a visitors’ center to ask for recommendations. The woman there enthusiastically began to describe a place — just a three-hour drive — that the kids would surely love: one of the few places in Australia that gets snow. Apparently, thousands of locals travel yearly to see what we here in Michigan get annually by the bucket loads.

When I returned to Detroit, I was sure I’d have a whole new appreciation for snow as I thought of all those Australians driving with fighting kids in the back seat for three hours … and I totally did. I think it lasted, oh, about five minutes … until I headed to my driveway, clumps of snow falling into my boots with every step and brushed the snow off my car windows with frozen fingers while my kids bickered inside the warming-up car.

Yeah. We all know the drill. Fun.

So, it’s April and we’ve still got rain and ice.

Maybe Old Man Winter has a hard time leaving because of his advanced age. Or maybe it’s something to do with being male … and winter is definitely male! Old Man Winter. Jack Frost. SnowMAN. I mean, this season is definitely leaving the toilet seat up!

So, I reckon the old man just probably fell asleep.

I recently saw a similar gender-stereotyping meme (ask your favorite teen how to pronounce that). It said: “Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of spring. Father Time was driving and refused to stop and ask for directions.”

Hopefully, it’ll leave sooner than soon so we can all have a nice day instead of an ice day!

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