Michigan law allows people who obtain permits to possess wildlife that are killed in vehicular collisions.
The voice-over guy in the Arby’s TV commercials proudly boasts “Arby’s, We have the meats!” Well, in California, you no longer have to go through their drive-thru to get your fast-food meat fix; you just have to keep driving until you hit something … and then eat it. Well, at least when a new law goes into effect in 2022.
California Gov. Gavin Newsom signed Senate Bill 395 a couple of weeks ago, which allows “persons desiring to recover, possess, use or transport, for purposes of salvaging wild game meat for human consumption of any deer, elk, pronghorn antelope or wild pig that has been accidentally killed as a result of a vehicle collision on a roadway within California.” Just hearing the words pronghorn antelope makes my mouth water.
Don’t let the 2022 start date put the brakes on your desire to eat roadkill now … You already can in Michigan! Plus, over two dozen other states in the U.S.D.A. — excuse me, U.S. But you must have a permit.
The online application by the Michigan Department of Natural Resources “requires a person to obtain a free salvage permit to possess wildlife killed in vehicular collisions.” Before you get too excited that you just found a cheap alternative for your Thanksgiving table, be advised that wild turkey is one of several animals on our state’s do-not-eat list.
As a Michigan State grad, I did take note that wolverine is not protected. I will forgo making a snide remark that could end up being motivational material for posting on U-M’s team locker room bulletin board. The rivalry game is on Nov. 16 in Ann Arbor. Though I’m sure Michigan fans are already saying they’re going to eat us Spartans for lunch. Ha ha.
Sadly, not a day goes by that we drivers don’t pass by roadkill — a lot of it. So much so, that I think it’s safe to say Michigan drivers have not yet developed a taste for this unusual form of “meals on wheels” dining.
You’d like to think it would go without saying, but Michigan law clearly states the “permit does not apply to an individual who uses a motor vehicle to kill or injure game intentionally.” In other words, hunters cannot add their vehicles to their seasonal hunting arsenal.
Are you among those, me included, who think leftovers taste better the next day? Well, it turns out, that might apply to roadkill. Michigan law states “the driver of the vehicle has first choice to take possession of the game. But if the driver leaves it, another individual may take it for salvage.” I am not making this up.
With this knowledge, I think I might be able to parlay the “Roadkill Cafe” parodies I wrote on the Dick Purtan Show into a legitimate advertising campaign featuring Rigor Mortis Tortoise for dinner and Road Toad A-la-Mode for dessert. “The Roadkill Cafe, where it tastes real good because it’s straight from the hood.”
I think it’s safe to say that roadkill meat is not kosher. But, if it gets sanctioned by Jewish law by next Yom Kippur, you’ll be able to enjoy something really different for your break-fast, as long as you don’t brake fast. Oh, wait, you can’t mix meat and dairy. Sorry.
Well, valued JN readers, I hope this wasn’t too distasteful. But if it was, just put some ketchup on it.
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent, speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org.