Muskovitz hilariously depicts the woes and triumphs of the past month.

I reached a major milestone last month. I turned 65 and entered the world of…Medicare!
And boy, did I celebrate. Within days of my Feb. 11 birthday I had my annual prostate exam, a colonoscopy and a complimentary car wash. Thanks to two doctors, my new healthcare plan and the attendants at Jax Car Wash, I’m clean inside and out, and all three procedures were free!

My early spring cleaning also included a decades-overdue chore of organizing my sock drawer. I emptied my sock drawer into a laundry basket and proceeded to separate by color all, and I kid you not, 106 pair of socks. That’s pairs. My inventory did not include a half-dozen single orphaned socks, which I continue to provide a home for should their significant other return one day.

I parted ways with a lot of the footwear, but more than 60 pairs of socks remain, which is still overkill since this process confirmed I wear the same dozen pairs over and over again. Clean socks make it back into the rotation so quickly I never seem to get to Row B of my sock drawer. There is absolutely no justification for having that many socks unless you’re a centipede.

The month of February not only included my visiting doctors. I also played a doctor in an advertising campaign for LAFCU, a Lansing area-based credit union. The campaign included TV, internet and billboard ads.

I bring this up not only to curry favor with the folks who had the good sense to hire a true thespian when they saw one, but also in the interest of public safety. My giant head can now be seen on at least one rotating digital billboard on westbound I-96, approximately 20 minutes from East Lansing. My nephew, who had no idea I was part of this ad campaign, did a double take when he flew past me in his car a few days ago, fortunately without incident.

This is my warning, though, to make sure the rest of my adoring public does not suffer a worse fate by this unsuspecting driving distraction.

Think that’s the only acting gig I’ve got going? Well, nay, nay. I am the featured actor in the current ASA Builders Supply television commercial that is getting a lot of play lately, with proprietors Steve Shapiro and his son David playing supporting roles. And let me say the two did a fine job considering they were working with an actor of my cachet. Bravo, gentlemen.

Turns out that my cup really runneth over with acting news in February. Last week, I received a residual check from Disney for my past role as a polka band leader in the Detroit-based drama Detroit 1-8-7. Apparently, despite the show being canceled in 2011, on-demand requests led to my most recent residual check for $0.68. ($1.03 if you include my 15-cent SAG-AFTRA Employer Contribution.) The check actually read “Zero and 68/100 Dollars,” as though it wasn’t humiliating enough without the “zero.”

What could have been a blow to my ego for that meager amount of money for an actor of my standing was softened by the W-2 I received from Disney days later. It revealed that 2019 actually ended up being a very lucrative year indeed; to the tune of $15.72 in total residuals.

I have so many people to thank. To my agents, who have never lost their faith in me, to my family who…(Orchestra plays me off.)

Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent, speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at
laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.

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