Medical bandages and gloves on a blue background.

(Written under the shadow of the 2020 pandemic)

During these times of social distancing and self-isolation, watching YouTube can become addictive.

I have discovered the cleverness of several folks who are musically inclined and can write song parodies about the COVID-19 pandemic. Of course, I’m not gifted with a music sense and those who have heard me sing will fervently agree. However, I felt that I could do with a literary device what they had done in music. So here goes:

Jack and Jill went up the hill;
They were not six feet apart.
Jack fell ill
And so did Jill
A lesson they’re taking to heart.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get some bathroom tissue.
When she got there
Her cupboard was bare
And that made going an issue.

Humpty Dumpty wasn’t wearing a mask.
Humpty Dumpty was taken to task.
Then he was seen
To break quarantine
Slowly exposing us all.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How did your shopping go?
“I wore gloves and a mask,
But it still was a task
And for it I have nothing to show.”

Jack was not nimble.
Jack was not quick.
He took no precautions
And now is quite sick.

There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe.
She homeschooled her children
For nothing else would do.
She taught them and fought them
And sent them to bed.
And raised teacher salaries
Quietly in her head.

Peter, Peter, restaurant keeper,
Had a wife but couldn’t feed her.
Then unemployment hit the scene
And all was blamed on COVID-19.

Little Jack Horner
Pumped iron in the corner
Of a recently reopened gym.
With his mask, a towel and disinfectant spray
So no one would re-infect him.

Hickory, dickory dock
Re-opening against the clock?
First one is struck down
Then it’s all over town.
Wearing masks is not just a crock.
Baa, baa, ICUs
Have you nasal swabs?
Yes, sir; yes, sir,
But not for such a mob.
Some for those who’re needed
And some for those who’re ill.
But none for the man in charge
Up on the hill.

Hey diddle doe-vid
This traveler has COVID.
The TSA jumped all over him.
The rest of us laughed to see
Him get caught.
Who knew we could be so dim?

The itsy, bitsy virus
Climbed up the nasal spout.
Out came a sneeze
But not the virus out.
Out came a cough
And the temperature was great.
For the itsy, bitsy virus
Be sure to isolate!

And the beat goes on. Thanks for bearing with me. Do I detect a slight smile under that mask? I might now give some thought to fairy tales; they have dark endings anyway, so it should not be hard. Stay tuned.

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