Unleavened Bread

Al Muskovitz provides a little humor for Passover.

Man, oh man, oh Manischewitz, where does the time go? Passover is once again upon us. I just received my updated Haggadah, which has been amended with the following additional Four Questions:

1) Anybody got any leads on getting a vaccine?

2) When will we reach herd immunity?

3) How much longer should we wear masks?

4) Should gatherings be limited to only those who have been vaccinated?

As we all know, God served up the 10 plagues, which eventually forced the Pharaoh’s hand in letting our people go. Can you imagine how the course of history would’ve changed had COVID-19 been one of the plagues? Who knows how long a travel ban would’ve delayed the Israelites’ trip to the Promised Land?

We know that God decreed that the Jews wander in the desert for 40 years. But did you know it would’ve taken 50 years had Moses not had the good sense to finally ask his wife for directions? It didn’t hurt that she had just purchased a new chariot that came with On-Star of David.

And who knew that Moses, once referred to as a Prince of Egypt, would have so much in common with another prince, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex?

Both went to their respective leaders (the Pharaoh and Queen Elizabeth) seeking their freedom. Both had to cross large bodies of water and wander a bit until they finally found their respective new homes.

After 40 years, Moses led his people to the Promised Land, while Meghan and Harry ended up in LaLa Land.

On a side note, if while wandering, Israelites ate one piece of matzah every day for 40 years, or 14,600 days, at 25 grams of carbohydrates per portion, each would have consumed approximately 365,000 total grams of carbohydrates during their journey. So, it’s quite likely many of them developed diabetes, which ironically was actually the name of the Pharaoh’s sister-in-law. You can’t make this stuff up.

For their history making efforts, both Moses and Meghan and Harry landed blockbuster interviews. Moses spoke with God on Mount Sinai while Meghan and Harry chatted with Oprah in someone’s backyard. By the way, if you twist the rules of an anagram, as only a twisted mind can do, you can use all the letters of the word pharaoh to spell … Opraahh. I recognize that observation is neither historical nor hysterical.

Meanwhile, I hope among the already vaccinated Michiganders there is a healthy number, both literally and figuratively, who can once again share seders in person.

I know there’s no way of determining ahead of time if Elijah has been vaccinated. But when you open your front door at the end of the seder to let him in, if all you see is a floating mask, at least you’ll know he’s being respectful.

For those not able to gather in person, it will mean you’re in for another Zoom seder. Don’t feel too sad, remember, next year when you get the whole family back together at your house, you won’t be able to mute anybody.

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent, speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.

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